While on vacation this week, I arose earlier than necessary one day simply to watch the sunrise over the horizon in all of its splendor and then quickly go back to bed for a nap, but God had other plans.
I bundled up like an eskimo, and grabbed my heated CG coffee. I stepped onto the porch, and the freezing cold tempted me to just go back to bed, because the sun comes up every morning right? I took a sip of the tasty coffee, and started out towards the pool which overlooked the gorgeous hill country of Texas. As I sat and marveled at the beauty of the pinks, blues, oranges, and yellows coming up over the hills and clouds, it hit me, this is all that life is about. To be in complete awe of Him, and speechless in the presence of His beauty, of which we only see the slightest glimpse while on earth. To be so at peace, that nothing else matters… not the broken relationships, the hard times, the job you perform, the clothes you wear, or even the church body you attend… none of it mattered in that moment. All that mattered was that I was with Him, God Himself was sitting right there with me as the bitter cold tried to sway me to go back inside. I was in a place where nothing could touch me except for Christ, and He did in a big way. He began to speak to me through the cold, through the hills, through the sunrise, and even through the rooster crowing in the distance. He spoke to me so clearly, it was as if we were sitting in a coffee shop all warm and cozy, just catching up. It was transcendent, to say the least.
He began to show me the life He has given me in a way I haven't seen before now. He laid out all that He has done in my life up until now, and a vague picture of what He plans to do. A rush of gratitude and emotion swept over me, and I began to weep at the wealth of blessings in my life both presently, and what is to come with Him in glory. To say that is was a treasure, would not be enough. As I began to thank Him for all He has done, and is doing, He stopped me. He reminded me to just be. "Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10a. He showed me the array of colors in the rising of the sun, and the beauty of the wind gently blowing through the treetops. As beautiful as all this was, He told me how much more I meant to Him. He told me I was radiant and stunning in His eyes, and nothing in His creation compared with me. It was in this moment that I felt completely free.
All too often, we run to a relationship on earth that gives such a narrow view of the love and passion that He has for us. I have recently been swept away with how easily we give our heart away to a romantic relationship on earth, and yet God is standing by waiting for you to run to Him with that same intensity. We get so caught up in the romance of it all, but I don't think we look towards God without the same zeal. Believe me, I am not one to talk. God created me as an fiercely passionate person, who cares so deeply and intensely for those close to her, that it doesn't make sense to many. As this person, I do not know how to be indifferent. When God gives me the gift of a new friend, or even an interest in someone, I cannot help but be passionate in my pursuit of them.
I recently finished a book that I will most likely read again & again, until the pages are torn and tattered. It has been the most significant reading in my walk with Christ beat out only by God's Word itself. It is called Sacred Romance by John Eldridge and Brent Curtis. One of the many lines that spoke to me is found on page 148, and says, "We are the Beloved; our hearts are the most important thing about us and our desire is wild because it is for a wild God." As a fervent woman, this resonated with me deeply, and took away my fear of being a burden to others. God not only created me this way, but did so because it is how He wants me to pursue Him, radically and without regard for social stigma or cultural norms. He put in me a desire to not only be passionate, but to love radically, both Him and those around me. Throughout the book the authors point you to this message: God is not calling us to hold back, to not feel deeply, to not give freely, or to not love with abandon, but rather when He says to "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23), He is not asking us to withhold, or keep quiet, but instead to remain fully engulfed in Him, and not hardened to His will, His love, and His continual romancing of you throughout your life. The authors point continually to the idea that the Sacred Romance " calls to us through experiences… it rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty, and adventure." God wants us to take this love and passion, and pour it into other people as a means of sharing the incredible gift that we have received. The love that God has for us isn't meant to stop inside of us. It is meant to spill out of our mouths, flow from our hands, and leak from hearts.
I will begin to close with a couple more quotes from the book:
"As our soul grows in the love of God and journeys forth toward Him, our heart's capacities also grow and expand: 'Thou shalt enlarge my heart' (Ps 119:32) "
"To want is to suffer; the word passion means to suffer… Many of us have chosen simply not to want so much; it's safer that way. It's also godless. That's stoicism, not Christianity. Sanctification is an awakening, the rousing of our souls from the dead sleep of sin into the fullness of their capacity for life."
Throughout my life I have felt to be a burden to many as I long for so much more, something deeper, a beauty that I can't quite catch a hold of, but through much prayer, Scripture reading, and this book I have learned that I am this way for a reason, and "I can let the ache lead me deeper into my heart and higher toward heaven." Knowing this allows me to be thankful, and praise God that He has blessed me in being able to love in this way, rather than be self-conscious and afraid to express the deep emotions that I feel. When I am overcome with emotion after seeing the intrinsic beauty of a sunset or the sheer joy of a child, I do not have to be ashamed, because God created that for me to see a glimpse of how radiant He is. SR states it this way, "beauty awakens in us an ache for a home we have never seen." I pray that I can carry on eagerly, knowing I am on my way home, to be with my one true Love forever. He alone will satisfy me fully, and He alone will be my guide. Join me in clinging to Him as we live this life to the fullest without fear, and love freely as He loved, while we wait for that glorious day that we get to spend eternity in His house.
"Every day when we rise, we can tell ourselves, 'my journey today will bring me closer to home; it may be just around the bend.' " - SR
I am always with you;
You hold me by my right hand,
You guide me w/ Your counsel,
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:23, 26
No comments:
Post a Comment