Pensive and Nostalgic yet Blessed and Fulfilled
While sitting in Common Grounds and drinking a Mexican hot chocolate, I am overwhelmed with memories. The hours upon hours I have spent here in the past were many, and so much of the experience of Baylor was in or through this place. I met friends through coffee, and finished many a paper on the eclectic worn couches and chairs. I am in Waco for the weekend, and while I still love this place, and it will always hold a place in my heart... being back is just not the same. I was able to see most of the people I have been missing already, and it has been amazing. I had an amazing time last night with great friends, and feel incredibly blessed to have had that time, but it not my home anymore. Typing those words brings tears to my eyes, as this place, these people, and this town became my everything, but now it is simply a part of my past it seems. I will never forget the times had here, good and bad, that shaped me into the woman I am today. The overwhelming excitement as I drove across the county line and into the city limits for the first time since I officially moved away was thrilling and yet terrifying. I was shaking from the rush of emotions and the thought of seeing everyone again. Scared that it would be a disaster, and yet knowing that God allowed me to come back for a reason, I opened the car door and felt like I was walking back into the hearts of the people here I love so much. From my best friend to my boss at my old church, seeing everyone again and feeling the burst of love, that a hug brings, was more of a blessing than I could have ever asked for. This weekend has been and continues to be a blessing. Good times with friends who seem more like family is a great way to spend a weekend away form work. The thin is though, although I felt welcomed back and loved, things are different now...
Since moving to Dallas, I have found life, love, and grace. I have come back to the God of my salvation, and started trying to live the life He has for us. I have come to know the love He has for us, and the incredible friendship He offers us as His children. I have found the loving God that I wasn't sure had time for me before now. Having Him in my heart, and knowing He has a plan for me and only wants the best for me, I have come so far in the two months at my new church, Watermark. He brought me out of this place, and into fellowship with Him. He took away all of the things that were keeping me from relying solely on Him. He took my job, my baby (my dog Andy), my apartment, my best friend, my church and my comfort. Growing up in a Christian home I knew that I should find a church once I moved, but I had no idea what God had in store for me. He broke me, and brought me closer to Him. He blessed me with friendships, that continue to encourage me, strengthen me, and help mold me to His will. In the past two months, I have lost almost everything I thought was important in my life. Little did I know I was completely wrong, and God showed me the error of my ways. He gave me love, grace, and life in Him. The joy I have in him in more incredible and fulfilling than anything I ever had before in any worldly things. I am far from being the person God wants me to be, but I can now see the life He wants for me, a life full of joy, not of this world, and lived entirely reliant on and through Him. I am not perfect, nor will I be, but the least I can do is strive to live for Him and in Him. Waco will always be a huge part of my story and how I came to who I am today, and I will always love the people who made my life here what it was, but no longer will it be what I thrive on. No longer will the comfort of this place and the people here make life worth living.
All this simply to say... I love Waco, and all that the people, places, and memories it has, but no longer does being here drive me. God is my driving force, and He alone will fulfill me.
Philippians 3
7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
