I can't sleep and I decided to make a post randomly. I don't know what it will be about but I have a lot going through my head at the moment I don't know if I could even type it all out before it jumps right back out.

My mind has been racing lately and not about anything in particular but just everything in general. I am kind of in awe of it. I just keep thinking about everything from school starting to friendships to who knows what else. I just will be sitting there and doing generally nothing and my mind will start thinking and probing the deepest thoughts of my mind. Like...

"Will I ever truly make the difference I pray to?"

or

"How can I be a senior in high school already, I'm not what it takes."

or

"Why is it that it seems that when I finally make a real connection with someone
[I don't want to say their name.], they check out of my life."

I just, I don't know if it is just the mood I am in right now, being tired or what but I just feel so out there. I feel as if I can't concentrate. And if I do, it is about something that if I keep thinking about it that it can in some way depress me. I do not know what is going on or what to think. I'm lost in my own head no matter how crazy that sounds. I feel as if I am right now. Crazy that is.

I hope I'm not scaring anyone who might be reading this but I do not try to hide myself. I tell it like I feel it. Whoever is happening to read this just pray for me because this is maybe the second or third night this has happened and it gets worse every night and I just pray that I can move on so that I can sleep soundly in preparation for school and what not.

It could just be a teenager thing but I don't know. I do know though that I have my senior year of high school coming up and to be truly honest I am scared. People, from what I know, go into their senior year with all this confidence in what they are going to do or who they are or what have you and I am over here and I just want to do God's will for my life and I don't know what that is. I am one of those people that likes to know where they are going, but I have no clue. I know I just need to keep Him first and that He will always be there for me, but I just know that there are things that I will be going back to and it is going to be some of the hardest times in my life because of all the things I have done in the past and what I will be tempted with. I have changed over the summer and by no means want to go back to where I was. It terrifies me just to think that I could end up there again. I don't want to even think about it. I just pray just God will give me the strength I need to make it through and to hear what He wants me to do when it comes to college and my future.

I ask of you, my friends, that you pray for me and others who might be going through these things:

• Life and its temptations might bring that it will not keep us down.
• Those who are in doubt of what their future might be when it comes to planning college.
• Those who will be going back to school changed and new and that they will be strong in the Lord our God.
• And lastly, that all who know Him shine His light that all my see His glory.

These are my thoughts and prayers. My dreams are that you may take them and change the world with what you may do with them. I am not my own. I am God's, and He has spoken through me.

I was informed lately by the lovely Megan Campbell that I have lied to you, my devoted readers. LOL ok yes, I did say something that I didn't quite keep to but I am going to try to fix that right now and for the next few days. I said in one of my past posts that I was going to say something to all of my friends, a long task I know but it is worth it in my eyes. First though I must say yet another thing about my gorgeous Manda...
Manda, yesterday was amazing! Thank you so much for going with me. I had so much fun & it was one of the best days of my summer. You and me are two crazy chiks and it is even worse when we are together. You have the greatest attitude and I love being around you. I don't think I have laughed that much in a long time. We were all over the place and we made it count. We accomplished our goal. lol No matter how strange we were acting. We talked to our adorable Joseph and you met Daniel and saw how dramatic and great he is. I love that we can just be hanging out in a parking lot and have fun. I don't know what it is about the time that we spend but it just gets better and better. Thanks for everything yesterday and I will pay you back the ten bucks. Love you!
Now for Marta, wow what a long list of things I could say. A lot of the things that I could mention for her are our insiders. Those will live on forever and will always make me laugh. We just act stupid most of the time and have a great time doing it. There are times though when we get really serious and the conversations are deep and meaningful. Those times I truly know that I am blessed with her friendship. I love the things we talk about and how we can talk about almost anything and have debates and yet still go away not hating each other for having totally different opinions. Her friendship has meant a lot to me over the years through insight she has, to the fun she brings, or the spiritual guidance she gives to me. She is a amazing person and I'm so happy that she has 'perfect lil David' to be there for her and love her. He makes her feel like she is worth what she really is unlike so many people cannot do. I love you Marta and thank you for everything.
Next going to have to be the greatest guy ever...None other than the only Brian Dean. He is the just wow. He has always sat and listened to all my spills about my life and how much of a drama queen I am. He always helps me out and encourages me. Every time I see him I can't help but smile because he is just that awesome of a person. He is loved by everyone and I appreciate his friendship more than I can say. He encourages me when I am down and makes me laugh when I feel like there's nothing to be happy about. He gives me hope that life will be ok. I have known him since forever and a year ago and thank God for every moment I have. Thank you for just being there Brian and I just hope that somehow someday I can repay you for all you have done.
Amy! My gorgeous friend that I love so much. Aww what can I say about you. You make me laugh so hard that I am in pain. I have so much fun with you and you make me forget all my problems and worries. We just have fun and I could never thank you enough for that. You have an amazing joy and gift of just loving and encouraging people and I just hope that by spending time with you that you can rub off on me and I can be as you are. You inspire me to look at the positive side and just to keep praying and everything will be great. You helped bring me out of things that I shouldn't have been into in the first place. I can't thank you enough and Love you with all my heart.
That is all for today, but I shall be back.

I've been meaning to put this on here for awhile but just now found the time/will to actually do it. It is a list that I put together with the help of a few friends on some of things that just make you have what some people might call the warm fuzzies......fyi not in any order

1. (if you are a girl) shaving your legs
2. Cleaning your ears
3. Drinking coffee
4. Getting an extra chicken nugget
5. (if you are a girl) getting new underwear
6. Seeing your best friend
7. Falling asleep by the fire
8. Cuddling with your favorite blanket..even better if it's with your best guy/chik friend
9. Good hair days
10. Driving with the windows down and radio up
11. (if you are a girl) putting on lipgloss
12. Sleeping on clean sheets
13. Burning incense
14. Wearing your favorite outfit
15. Remembering a friend by their smell (as in cologne or perfume)

well let me know wut makes u just feel good...just leave a comment