As I sit and wonder why
My mouth at once becomes dry
I am begining to understand
Why so many hold my hand
They stick with me for awhile
But are gone once there's a trial.

http://www.xanga.com/skin.asp?user=bikd

I think it's about time to go for a visit to Jenn.

"It's time to try, anything to be with you. All my life I've waited, this is true. "

I can't stop listening to that song. I'm not quite sure why, but I won't explain how I feel and what goes through my head when I do. Some of you might actually know but the others don't because you have no reason to, so there.

I had a very confusing dream as of late. I was so confused that I'm still wondering about that it could have possibly of meant. It is bothering me so much. I don't know what to think about it. I'm thinking I might call Jennifer (my counselor, for those that don't know) and go see her and see what she thinks and just to catch up with her. She's great. I love her. It has been awhile since I've been to see her, but hey that just means I can do it on my own now and don't need help all along the way.

Let's see, Dirk cut his hair. I'm not very happy about that. I need to have another talk with him. This time he better listen or his butt is going to get it. I don't care how tall he is, don't tell me I can't. I know I'm good.

I'm trying to think of what else to write but can't think of anything so...I'll leave you guys with a 'Merry Spring Break" and gday!

So lately I have been either busy or sleeping, thus why I haven't updated. I aslo was out of town this past weekend. I went ova to Baylor to watch Dustin perform in All University Sing. He was great and it was an interesting experience. I love waco no matter how strange that sounds and can't wait to go in 5 months. It's going to be great.

Uh let's see I have something I would like you to pray for but I can't give details so what I will tell you is that one of my very best friends and basically part of my family is going through a really hard time right now and prayer can always help. Thanks.

I started my diet today. It's been cool so far. Who knows how long that will last and when I'll be dying for a cheesburger or something.

That's all for now. Not much to say really. If ya want to know more call or comment or something. Gday!

http://global-playlist.yahoo.com/makeplaylist.dll%3Fsid=8570095&pt=url&xdata=0-21437293-NaN&s=0&b=&zz=a.asx

great song

I thought I would update because I had an amazing afternoon and night. I am truly blessed with the friends that I have. I was reminded of this tonight both at church and then again at Starbucks with Marta and Alyssa. I so often take for granted the people in whom I can truly connect with. I think sometimes that I just don't have any real friends that I can just talk to and them just listen but I know I do. I just hardly see them or what not. They are a great blessing to me and I thank them for everything they have done for me whether I liked it or not. They tell me what needs to be said whether I like it or not. I love them so much.

Another great thing about today:
Let me just say that God is amazing. I know that it goes with out saying but it should be said because of how true it is. He continues to amaze me and leave me in awe. He reaches out and touches my hand and lets me know that it will all be ok. He blesses me with great friends, family, my job, and so much more. Tonight at church I felt His hand upon my shoulder as I did back at Super Summer. The omniscient power He has calmed me and let me worship Him with no fear of who was watching or what others might be thinking. As I was on my knees with my hands clasped together, I started to tear up and realize how I've been hurting. God loves me so much and I pay Him back by screwing things up in ways I have said I never could. I can never really pay Him back for all He has done for me, but the least I can do is live for Him. That is what I choose to do from now on as best I can. It is a tough thing to do so all the encouragement I can get is appreciated. I write this in hopes that you, all of my lovely readers, will help to keep me accountable in all I do. Some know more than others of what I do and what not, but what you do know confront me on it if I shouldn't be doing it. Please, don't be afraid I am going to bite your head off because you said something. I will respect you more for it.

This is all for tonight. I'd just like to end this post with a note to all of my friends and family:

I love you all and could never forget you. You all mean so much to me and I will always hold you close to my heart. Thank you for everything you have ever done and will do. You mean the world to me.

Wow! So my birthday and the days surrounding it were nothing like I thought they were going to be. They were absolutely amazing. Thursday I was supposed to be taken out by Christina when in fact in was a way to get me and her somewhere so that my rents and Adri and Amy could surprise me there. It was so cool. We were at the Magic Time Machine and had the tooth fairy as our waitress. She was cool and had this great attitude. We had a magic guy, who was pretty cool, and a balloon chik, who was awesome. She made me an elephant. It was orange and spiffy. You should have seen him. His name was E.R. No, not as in emergency room but yet for EleRabbit. If you don't get it, don't ask you won't lol. Well all cept the rents got our pics drawn. That was pretty cool. I got some awesome presents and that was only Thursday.

Friday, was my actual birthday. It was amazing. I started my day with getting to school late which is always good lol. Then I received some flowers from my Adri through the 'valagram' thing. The day went on and was good and I went to lunch and my mother was there and brought me Chikfila. Let me just say Yummm. It was really cool and yea. I ate that and went to the elementary school and it was cool. We had our lil Valentines day party and that was cool. I saw my boss after that and she told me happy bday and what not. I also found out right before talking to her that I was allowed to get my cartilage pierced. I was thrilled about that seeing as I had wanted it since like 9th grade. I went over to Alan's house and chilled with 'mommy' for a while and then headed home to supposedly go out with CK. Well much to my surprise I'm just chillin at home and my bro walks in the door. I was like woah. OK you live in Waco, Why are you here, Chuck? He came home to surprise me and to take me out to dinner and a movie for my bday. It was awesome. We went to Macaroni Grill and then to the movie Hitch. Awesome movie, so hilarious. you need to go see it. And well I shouldn't even have to say that dinner was good but of coarse I will. It was fantastic, delicious, scrumtious, all that mess.

Saturday, I went to work and came home to get ready and go out to eat before Dustin left. I also got some more presents. They were so cool. It was a lot of 'Bill' stuff. I then took an insanely long nap and it was awesome. I woke up and two hours later went back to sleep. IN other words, good day.

Today, I went to church and lunch there for the anniversary and what not. Tonight is SNAC and we're goin skating. That always takes me back. Back to the days of being a kid. Seeing as I'm an adult now. Craziness. Oh get this...I was excited today when I went to Walmart not only because I was going and I love Walmart but I bought some Sharpies and you know how you have to be 18 to buy them? I was. HA! That amused me so much. I love Sharpies. They are cool.

Oh! I never told yall about Regalia. It was so much fun, like wow. I had an awesome time with all the people I went with. We had a blast the entire night. It was just great. I took tons of pictures and we went to three or four different places and it was so much fun. We also hung out the next day for the super bowl. Not that I actually watched it or anything but it was a lot of fun. Those kids are great.

Well all is well and I'm good. Just thought I'd update and let people know what was going on in my life. Hope all of you are doing well. G'day!

So I turn 18 tom. weird huh? ME 18...an adult legally. Just kinda odd to think about because well I still like being a 'kid' sometimes. It's nice. But life continues to move on and tom. I will have to rise to the occasion and be the adult....Ha! OK But I will try. most of the time.

Anyways, I think I'm getting sick b/c I'm so busy lately but oh well. Again life goes on. I think that's it for now though. G'day all

3

It is so sad. I was just reading a fellow bloggers site, that being my brother, and was informed of a sad mistake that many of the students at my future school are making. It is a crime! A fashion crime that is. Who was it that told people that it was ok to wear rain boots? Who was it that told the same people that sheepskin boots are attractive, and with a skirt much less? This kind of irrational thinking is a very twisted and I plan to change it when I start attending Baylor in the fall. I was challenged by him and accepted it with excitement. I will teach, tutor, and give advice on anything fashion and will alter the ways of the mislead. I will turn their minds from nonsense fashion to sexy fashion. There are ways to be sexy and look great when wearing something even as simple as sweats and a hoodie. It can happen and I will show these people how it can be done. I will have a partner to back me up in this battle, my brother will be along side me all the way. We share a passion for those with no ability to match, for those with no ability to coordinate, and those that just don't get that it does in fact matter how you look. Why you may ask? This is because people conceive an idea of you before even so much as knowing your name. Remember that first impressions never die. I will help these misguided people to make the absolute best impression even if not dressed up. I will do all I can and hopefully I shall beat this so called 'style' out of their heads. It will be tough but I'm ready to take it on. Wish me luck in my endeavor, I will surely need it.

I just found out tonight that a dream of mine that I've had since I think sixth grade will not come true unless God changes something. It depresses me beyond belief and I don't know what to do. I've wanted this since forever ago and I love this kid more than he will ever know. No matter how much I do or say I could never express how much I love him. It seems though that the more I try to show him the more he pushes away from me. I don't know what to do anymore. I just, other the my family I love him more than anything. I truly believe that there is something for us in the future and I can wait for that, I can. It is just that I have never thought of it any other way than with him. Prom. Just a dance right? Well to me it is the one night that I can spend the whole night with him. The one guy that no matter what he might put off, truly understands me and knows how I think. The one guy that was balling his eyes out and didn't think twice to call me, just lil ol me to pour his heart out to. The one he told all his secrets to, the one who has always been there for him no matter what. I love him to death and would do anything for that kid. Yet my one night isn't going to happen. My dream has been crushed, my heart has been hurt, and my love has once again been put to the side.

So I have this great friend who I talk to all the time right? Well all is well and we are talking and having fun and all the sudden we just stop talking last Tuesday and haven't spoken since. I miss this person and don't know why we do not talk anymore and I love this person to death. I wish that we still did talk I mean I'm not like going to die if I don't but I want to. I know that I'm an aggressive person when it comes to taking the lead and going after people instead of letting them come after me but still. I'm trying to be different and let them talk to me but I don't know because they haven't tried since then and I don't know what to do. I just I miss the random conversations we had and the fun we would have and what not but yet I haven't had any of that lately and don't know why. Should I try going after this person even though that is such a problem for me because it's almost like once I start I can't stop ok, it IS like that not almost. Give me some input people, please. I would greatly appreciate it. I just love them and give up.

I am Officially in MOURNING over the loss of the beloved long hair of the great Steve Nash. I welcome any offerings to possibly help me feel somewhat better but do not feel scorned if I only push them away to yet again be in silence. This is a day that the Lord has made and forgot to save something, Nash's hair! How could He let this happen. Don't let me hear you say anything in praise to this horrendous event because then I will have to beat you to a bloody pulp and then burn your remains. I will not hear any negative remarks about the gorgeous long flowing hair that was lost of late. We should all be as lucky as Nash's family and friends who were close enough to touch that glorious hair. I am now leaving to return to my shrine I have built to mourn the loss. Farewell to you all.

FIRSTS.
First best friend: Christina
First car: aw :'( my dead jeep...i love you!!!
First date: a banquet with Colt Junior year
First real kiss: depends ...either sam or rickey
First screen name: IloveAndy987
First self purchased CD: nsync prob
First pets: Beau...Awesome dog...1a the best ever
First piercing/tattoo: got my ears pierced when i wuz 2 & again 3 yrs ago i think
First musician you remember hearing in your house: i'm supposed 2 remember sumthin from when i wuz 1?

LASTS.
Last cigarette: hello!!! allergic!
Last car ride: today coming home from school
Last kiss: the one and only Joey...lol
Last good cry: uhhh
Last library book checked out: 2 long ago...prob poetry
Last movie seen: Theatre: Spanglish...ua8
DVD: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Last beverage drank: lemonade fromChikfila
Last food consumed: gum?
Last phone call: uhh i tried 2 call joey does that count?
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: black heels...not the sandal 1s
Last cd played: crossfade
Last item bought: candy...shhh dont tell my diet
Last annoyance: bad drivers
Last disappointment: uhh
Last shirt worn: bluish green button up
Last website visited: this 1
Last words you said: hey baby
Last song you sang: the 1 i just wrote
What color socks are you wearing?: knee highs that r black wit white stripes
What color of underwear are you wearing?: black wit blue trim
What's under your bed?: my Nash/mavs collage
What time did you wake up today?: 6

FUTURE
Where do you want to go?: Paris and Rome
What is your career going to be?: missionary
Where are you going to live?: France
How many kids do you want?: 2
What kind of car(s): dark silver F150 Lightning lifted on 20's or a black H2

CURRENT
Current mood: kinda tired
Current music: none
Current taste: none
Current hair: cute
Current clothes: my satin robe & a black spaghetti strap
Current annoyance(s): uh immature people and people that cant take a hint
Current desktop picture: Nash
Current book: Bible
Current color of toenails: uh metallic tan or silver idk
Current hate: such a harsh word

-- UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits?: tapping my nails, pacing, & biting my lip
2. Are you double jointed?: nope
3. Can you roll your tongue?: yea it's fun
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?: yea...its all sexy and wut not lol
5. Can you blow spit bubbles?: yep
6. Can you cross your eyes?: yup
7. Tattoos?: nope
8. Piercings and where?: ears
9. Do you make your bed daily?: no unless u drug me

-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first?: right or it feels weird...yes that is rite i'm OCD
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: yes
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet?: enough 4 tithe
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: my 1 ring & & the necklace chuck got me 4 Xmas
14. Favorite piece of clothing?: my satin robe

-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: cut
16. Have you ever eaten Spam?: of coarse
17. Favorite ice cream flavor?: uh 2 hard
18. How many cereals in your cabinet?: 4 i think
19. What's your favorite beverage?: diet dp and koolaid
20. What's your favorite restaurant?: texmex: tias italian: macaroni grill etc
21. Do you cook?: sometimes

-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day
23. Hair drying method?: when i actually do...just do it
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair?: i'm all natural baby

--MANNERS --
25. Do you swear?: nope
26. Do you ever spit?: sometimes

-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal?: dog if coarse
28. Food?: green bean casserole
29. Month?: December
30. Day?: uh idk
31. Cartoon Character?: Blue! from Blue's clues duh!
32. Shoe Brand?: depends wut kind of shoe
33. Subject in school?: French
34. Color?: black
35. Sport?: basketball but only to watch
36. TV show?: Friends

Why is it that the people you love the most can let you down and hurt you the most? I just was wanting to get that out...leave me a comment and let me know what you think about that subject.

Well I'm back to post for today. I don't feel well still but a trying not to complain too much. I'm suposed to go back to school tom. and we'll see how that goes. I was told that I had an upper respritory infection and then I still didn't feel well today so I went back and they said I also had a virus that they couldn't give me anything for. It sucks but eh I'm good I guess. I've been home for the past two days from school and didn't go to church sunday and yea. I miss people. I miss my friends from school and church. I want to see them again. I know I know it has only been tree days what am I going to do next year. But it isn't next year it is this year and I better get a hug from everyone when I go back tom.

So I'm officially going to Baylor and applied for housing the other day. It's getting to be exciting and I'm taking another college day in Feb. to chill in Waco with the fam and just get used to it a bit ya know? I can't wait to go...It is going to rock so hard! But I got a few more months to go.


I turn 18 in esactly 1 month!!!! Leave a message for me in the lil box thing to lemme know what I should do for it.


I'm out for today. I'm going to go chill and relax before going to bed and all. I love you all! Never forget that!

So...still sick, still miserable, I wish it would end. I'm so ugh. My throat feels like someone lit it on fire, my head feels like someone decided my brain needed a jackhammer, and my nose is running like an olypmic sprinter. Craziness i tell you. its not cool though & i stayed home from school today cuz of it. Hopefully i'll get better...cuz this sucks...bad! well i'm out...gettin dizzy

So you've been sick rite? Of coarse you have...everyone has. Well haven't you ever wanted someone to bring you a card or just come by to give you a hug or what not? Just to make you feel good cuz you're sick? I love it when people do that,like when Patti Bibel came and brought me a hude slurpee after i got in my big wreck my sophmore year and had all those problems from it. That was like so awesome. But whatever, my parents know how to treat me if I'm sick....I guess that's all that counts. I'm out cuz I'm suposed be resting....G'day

So a new post, what can become of it? Who knows....Oh well.

So you ever stop and think about how much you really know someone? I mean granted you can know them all your life and not know them at all. It's true. It is amazing to think that after all the time you have spent tackling to someone means nothing when it comes down to it. You Canoga through so many things with someone and not have gotten anywhere. You can know so much about a person but not know what they are going to do next. You don't know if they really care about you or not. You don't know what they really think of you. You could never truly know what the inner thoughts of a person are because just because you know someone's name or where they live or where thy work or what not doesn't mean that they will really show you who they are. They could be putting up a front everytime they see you, or they just might never really express what they feel. They could do something one moment and the next do something totally 'unlike them'. Who's to say it is or isn't them? Who are you to judge that someone is one way or another? You might think they are this awesome, great person, that is incredibly sweet and funny and good and then all the sudden everything changes before you can even blink. How cruel and screwed up is this world we live in? It is more and more corrupt everytime I walk out the door. I'm almost scared to go places sometimes because just think, you never know when someone you hold so dear could be there and be doing something that you always thought was below them. It isn't a very great thing to think of but it happens every day to and to everyone. I just had to let that out. Hope you all never have to experience it.

I'm off to go exercise so I can look all hott in my prom dress come may 7th. And of coarse my regalia dress come Feb. But yes I'm out. G'day all!