I just found out tonight that a dream of mine that I've had since I think sixth grade will not come true unless God changes something. It depresses me beyond belief and I don't know what to do. I've wanted this since forever ago and I love this kid more than he will ever know. No matter how much I do or say I could never express how much I love him. It seems though that the more I try to show him the more he pushes away from me. I don't know what to do anymore. I just, other the my family I love him more than anything. I truly believe that there is something for us in the future and I can wait for that, I can. It is just that I have never thought of it any other way than with him. Prom. Just a dance right? Well to me it is the one night that I can spend the whole night with him. The one guy that no matter what he might put off, truly understands me and knows how I think. The one guy that was balling his eyes out and didn't think twice to call me, just lil ol me to pour his heart out to. The one he told all his secrets to, the one who has always been there for him no matter what. I love him to death and would do anything for that kid. Yet my one night isn't going to happen. My dream has been crushed, my heart has been hurt, and my love has once again been put to the side.

So I have this great friend who I talk to all the time right? Well all is well and we are talking and having fun and all the sudden we just stop talking last Tuesday and haven't spoken since. I miss this person and don't know why we do not talk anymore and I love this person to death. I wish that we still did talk I mean I'm not like going to die if I don't but I want to. I know that I'm an aggressive person when it comes to taking the lead and going after people instead of letting them come after me but still. I'm trying to be different and let them talk to me but I don't know because they haven't tried since then and I don't know what to do. I just I miss the random conversations we had and the fun we would have and what not but yet I haven't had any of that lately and don't know why. Should I try going after this person even though that is such a problem for me because it's almost like once I start I can't stop ok, it IS like that not almost. Give me some input people, please. I would greatly appreciate it. I just love them and give up.