Well isn't life just full of surprises?

yes random but if ya knew how my life's been going then u would understand. but how is every1?

i'm great! i'm a free woman & it feels great! i mean don't get me wrong relationships are fun stuff but wow...they can be stressful & middle schoolish. if ya know what i mean. plus, flirting is so much fun and there's always someone watching ya know? oh well other than that & i got my regalia pics & well stuff ;) lol everything iz decent. that stuff is just greatness ya know?

well now it is time for bill 2 just let it all out. not really i just like the way it sounds lol i know i'm strange. here it is though:
Life. got that much? good. What makes it good and fulfilling? What makes a person truly happy? Who's to say that for instance certain clothes or popularity or relationships make people happy? Is it that only certain things can make everyone happy or is it that anything can make anyone happy? I think personally (and if you don't want to hear it don't read it) it all depends on the person, their needs, desires & past on what truly makes one happy. For example being popular could be a dream come true for someone and then it will keep them happy right? NO! People change as does the things that make them happy. We all are happy & yet have our bad days. There are reasons for that. You can not be 'happy' in society's definition and yet still have joy. Yes joy, it is what you have when you have a personal relationship with the most high God of this world. I have that and I'm good. I don't need to be what society believes is happy just so that I can please everyone else. I don't need that. It is a buttload of crap. I have joy & Christ and that is all I ever need for now and forever. Yes, granted there are awesome things in life like the mavs, great friends, family, and more. But all of those are of this world and I don't need them. It has taken me a long time to realize this simple concept. I'm very happy though now and I'm going to enjoy it.

If you actually read through all this, thank you and I appreciate it. Love you guys

ugh...thinkin 2 much has its major downsides.....i hate it...y must i over think everything that ever happens in my life? it's stupid but it's not like i'm stoppin anytime soon & y? i dun even know... i've tried it's not that i haven't it just doesn't work. oh well wut else can ya do?

well the loveliness of the all mighty spring break is now over & school returns tom. lemme tell ya how excited i am...well let's c...i'm not! many reasons but i won't go in2 that. there r 2 or 3 reasons tho that i'm happy bout school coming about again. i won't go in2 those either 4 well, reasons which guess wut! i'm not going 2 go in2 those either...y? cuz i'm allowed 2 do that & if yur just dying 2 know then ask but no promises

well ya this week wuz well ok i guess.....sum things coulda been like 10 times better but the other stuff wuz awesome...thnx 2 those that were involved...luv yall guys.

i'm off 4 now tho but i will ask yall 1 question 1st....is it just me or does the world seem to get more & more corrupt as each day goes by?

well it's spring break...party!!! rite? isn't that how it's suposed 2 b? well wut if i'm happy w/ just hangin out w/ a few friends at diff times throughout the week? 2day wuz really awesome. i saw a few of my men. aren't they great? u gotta luv em all. the rest i will c sumtime throughout the week prob but who knowz rite? i hope so...men r great. i don't know wut i'd do w/o em. i mean chiks r ok but i'd just not rather hang w/ guys but ugh i just can't explain it...guys r just the awesomest

well i'm gettin better & better & lifes lookin up...thinkin bout a lot of stuff but i'm good. well i'm off 2 chill wit the parentals 4 a bit b4 i talk 2 kev & then hopefully sleep.... g'nite & g'day all

i felt like writing so here i am! yes very exciting i know....anywayz who else just absolutely luvs pasta? i think every1 should. why? cuz its just like the best stuff on earth besides like kool-aid & green bean casserole....only 2 name my fav foods....but ya food iz 1a my good friends....yes i sed food iz my friend & why shouldnt it b? anything can b yur friend if ya want it 2 b. or at least i think so. some things just like 2 b difficult like saaayy asparagus...just gross!!! it smells it looks like thick weeds & it tastes like weeds. not cool not a friend of mine

well startin 2 plan out my spring break..so far ive got 2 things goin 4 me & waitin on 2 or 3 people 2 let me know...1 in particular...but we'll c wut happens...it will b fun i'm convinced & if it isnt the best then life goez on its just a week outa life.

ya know wut iz cool that happened 2day? besides the rain...that wuz pretty sweet....i wuz like sittin in my truck & it wuz all like movin & stuff...spiffy let me tell ya. but anywayz....ya so i wuz in french & me & chester were talkin of coarse cuz well we like 2 talk 2 people & we're friends so it works rite? duh! well ya & we started talkin bout food we were wantin & i wuz cravin pizza not that i need it but ya...& get this i kept wantin it more & more as the day went on & i went 2 daddys office after school 2 get sum money & guess wut he had...pizza!!! i know rite its all 2 cool....lol

no u know wut a really good feeling iz? bein pampered for any amount of time...like 2day...o man i luv goin 2 get my nails done...but i went 2day & it mite sound weird but deal wit me...chiks mite know wut im sayin tho..u know how when u get yur nails done & u sumtimes c the 1 person gettin a manicure & pedicure at the same time & u get sumwhat jealous? well :D i got 2 b that person 2day...i felt special...good stuff

well i'm out...think bout this tho...do u ever REALLY know some1? i mean u can know them 4ever & then 1 day they can just outa nowhere surprise u w/ sumthin thats just 'so not them'...i think personally that u never really do know everything bout a person...cuz once u think that they'll just show u sumthin new...

well life def has its twists & turns dont it? i personally think so. but wutever

so every1 ready 4 spring break? i kinda am....its all a weird mind thing...i like it & all but at the same time theres a certain downside 2 it. i wont go into detail but if ya really wana know just ask.

well dun got much else 2 say which seems 2 b a trend lately....more later maybe...if yur lucky

ok again ya its been a while but ask me how much i care...go ahead...ya thats rite i dont...i got enough things that i'm stressed pr wutever bout they i could not care less bout this stupid thing rite now prob the only reason i'm even updatin it iz cuz well i have nuthin better 2 do cuz i have no life...so ya

there iz sum things in life that will continue 2 confuse me till the day i day & i wont go in2 great detail for a few reasons 1 of em iz cuz there iz a lot of people that dun needa know every detail of my life that mite read this....lets just say that i c how some people can act so well if ya know wut i mean....

well i dun got much else 2 say cept dun expect it 2 b soon that i update again...i got better (or worse however u choose 2 c it) things 2 worry bout so 4 who knowz how long....cya

wow...things r gettin 10 times better & yet 20 times worse all at the same time. yes i know that doesnt make sense but its true & i understand it so if u dont tough..nah really just ask ill attempt 2 explain my twisted mind.

well sumthin i've been wantin 4 a while now looks like it mite actually b happenin... & its prob not what sum of u r thinkin...in other words its not kevin lol. but ya i'm happy its prob goin on. if ya dun get the point...i'm not goin 2 tell u! y? cuz i dun gotta thats y

schools not goin 2 well rite now...between sum of the people, not understandin, & failin cuz of all that its just bad. mostly math...ya know that stupid sayin ' math iz yur friend'? i dun know if i know anything farther from the truth. its makin my life 10 times worse than it has 2 b. i dun get it no matter how easy it iz & so i go 2 tutorials 2 try & get help wit it but that doesnt work so i study & that doesnt either so i fail the tests & blah blah blah...its stupid then theres just other crap i dun really wana talk bout...

anywayz on a better note..mavs game thurs. yay! i luv my mavs! especially my nashy..hez my tigger bear yes i sed tigger bear...i'm strange i know but thats y most of yall luv me rite? or at least i hope ya luv me otherwise i dun know y u'd b readin this...unless yur strange 2..then we'd get along great or at least i would think so...no i'm not blabbin really!!!

yes now i'm gettin off cuz i dun know wut else 2 say but iz it just me or iz it possible 2 feel totally depressed & have no clue y?

ya i've been really stressed lately & havent been able 2 write w/o thinkin of sumthin else so i havent....but ya...lifes been crazy & i fell i drag people down sumtimes cuz my attitude & outlook on life really sux & granted i've been tryin 2 fix it since who knowz when i believe it wuz when i met eddie ( stupid i know) but ya i just ugh. some1 just help me i'm not good at this....

ya so things r kinda goin pretty well tho i wont mention wut those r. then this weekend should b awesome & if its not then i must hurt somebody 4 ruining it cuz i need a good weekend bout now cuz once i get grades back it mite b awhile b4 i can even have a decent weekend but wutever.

i'm pretty much done here 4 now but i must say...there r a few people that i've been really thankful 4 lately, i dont know if u know who u r but i've prob told u. i luv all my friends but sumtimes i just idn sum r better than others if ya know wut i mean & 2 those that have been there 4 me lately....i can't thank u enough, yall mean the world 2 me...

k now i must go so i can get ready 2 go out 2nite..joy rite? well till next time...

went 2 the mavs game tues. & of coarse luved it cuz well, i got the mavs (including my nash!!!), junk food, daddy, & a great bball game 2 enjoy...few things can b better. the only bad thing iz i wuz goin 2 get my jersey that i want all 2 much & well they didnt have the 1 i wanted....grrr at them..but i will have that jersey at some point in the near future no matter wut i have 2 do....

had a great bday...well mostly the fam had sum issues that nite & we still dun know how it turned out but just pray bout it...all in all my great grandmother & prob the person i wuz the closest 2 on my dads side mite b leavin us all soon but we dun know yet cuz tests & meds r still goin on but ya...prayer is all that i can do rite now. but anywayz ya i wore a great outfit, that i even thought i looked good in, hung out wit 1a my best friends after school i luv u manda!!!, then went 2 kevs house & chilled until church, then starbucks yumm, then church alwayz good stuff, & then took my alan home & we talked 4 a bit aw i luv him, then home 2 the phone & then ya the bad newz came but o well.

been havin a great week actually. last nite wuz kinda diff i mean most of it wuz good but i mean sum of it coula been 10 times better & i wish it wuz but life happens rite? that and 2day didnt turn out at all like i had planned but due 2 the weather & parents (not mine in particular) plans were cancelled and things were changed & i ended up doin a whole lotta nuthin 2day. lets c wut i did...woke up, went back 2 bed, got up again, kev called, took a shower, phone, tv, nap(i know i know), tv till now...pathetic i know...o well 1 more v-day that i did nuthin, just add it 2 the list of em rite? hopefully..the rest of the long weekend will make up 4 it but who knowz...

well i gotta question 2 leave yall wit....dun ya hate it when sum1 talks bout sumthin & then they dun tell u wut it iz? no matter wut?...ugh i hate that

got the ol birthday thing goin on tom...but all i'm doin iz goin 2 school church & 2 get my license renewed...jooyy lemme tell ya or not. anywayz ya dun really have much 2 say...v-day this sat...but ya i'm goin 2 go 2 bed...long but good day( mavs game baby)...of coarse they won & i wuz happy...but ya g'nite

wow...its been a long week but it all paid off yest nite at regalia. lol there are some things that made me laugh soo hard & then some that just made me happy and then some yet that were just kinda strange. but altogether the nite was awesome. i mean like wow...i thought the whole date date no date thing would b a prob but it ended up bein really cool. im not 1 that likes 2 dress up or even enjoys it in the slightest but last nite i felt sooo good cuz i got so many reactions that were like wow...i would never expect any1 2 say sum of the stuff people did. thnx guys, i luv yall! ya the whole actually dancing thing wuz kinda eh 4 me at the beginning but then after a bit i kinda got in2 it lol...then kile & all them started swing dancin & me knowin i cant dance worth crap just kinda stood there but then lol kile tried teachin me..lemme tell ya that wuz interesting but wutever it wuz a lot of fun & fyi 4 any1 who hasnt been out there...the cheesecake factory iz yummy like really yummy, oooh i had a cafe mocha & it wuz soo good. anywayz tho...

now theres nuthin big comin up unless u count my bday & v-day which eh..i hate the holiday...i mean who came up wit it? its like sum1 sat there 1 day & wuz like 'hey why dun we make up a holiday so the flower, stuffed animal, & candy people can make like a buttload of money & we can blame it all on this whole 'love' kick'....am i just like rambling or do i make any sense?

ugh well i'm exhausted from it all in a good way i mean i even took a nap 2day..amazing rite? i thought so but my feet are planning my murder & my hair iz all fro'd out & im bout 2 go pick up the pics of the nite....so hope if u went u had a great time 2 & if not theres alwayz next time

ya havent written in a while but o well rite? kinda been stressed out so wutever....not much 2 say really just kinda blah rite now....but i dun really feel like written so i'm goin 2 go & make sure alls set 4 tom (regalia) 7 i'll update sumtime l8r

i just found out some terrible news....i mean if i told what it was most would think it was stupid but ya just pray for me and all involved even though you dont know whats going on...thnx soo much

ya wana list of things i want 4 my bday? well whether or not u do here it iz...
1 steve nash's hair...yes i know i luv long hair
2 city of angels dvd...the pg13 version dustin!!!
3 steve nash jersey
4 clothes..wut chik doesnt like clothes but i am picky so b careful...or u could just take me & we could chill even better 4 a present
5 gift cards easy rite?
6 money....who doesnt like money?
7 all my friends 2 b happy..weird but true
8 go 2 paris...i know not happenin but i can dream
9 things that have happened 2 b resolved
10 & last but not least....1 heck of a bday no matter how i spend it

ok now 4 the blabbin that i do so well....yes i enjoy it but eh. anywayz how iz every1? i'm good things r gettin better & worse but its life & its all good anywayz...

i love my friends lemme just say that & i know its kinda random but its true & i dun wana not say it & then not b able 2 some day ya know? that would just suck...cuz i can't even express how much i love yall guys. you mean so much to me cuz yur always there for me whether i want you to be or not but you always know when you should. i love the way all of you can make my day better when i need it, and how i can go chill wit sum of yall & 4get bout my probs. i would b here all nite if i wanted 2 name all the reasons so i'll leave it there but you know who you are and ill say it once more....I love you!!!

ok anywayz..question...what is one thing that you wish you could change in your past? i wont say mine cuz only the people that needa know do but i'd love 2 hear yalls answers so u better tell me! lol...g'day

its been awhile ya but ya i havent been 2 talkative lately...o well a lot has been goin on lately 2...thinkin a lot, doin stuff, & then ya of coarse regalia iz comin up & then carries bday was fri.

speakin of her bday i luv carrie i really do & hope her bday wuz great but sat nite we all as in all her friends went out 2 eat & of coarse there wuz a lot of us so there wuz a long wait but ya know wut? i'm sick of how high schoolers think!!! i mean yes i know i am one but i dont believe that i think the same as most others...i c myself as very diff than A LOT of people & am proud of it. i mean they r so close-minded its stupid how bad it iz. i mean its stupid in the 1st place i mean really. just cuz u dun know sum1 doesnt mean u cant talk 2 them ya know? i mean there wuz a lot of us & granted some of us knew each other & sum of us didnt but the 1s that didnt wouldnt talk 2 any1 else...it wuz so ugh! i hate high school cuz of that!!!its sucha drama driven world that is so stupid its not even funny.....

anyways enough bout that...i've been thinkin a lot lately & a friend raised a question the other day...is it possible to fix things that u screwed up in the past?....i've been thinkin bout that a lot & a lot has been goin on & idn wut 2 make of it ya know? i know some things that have happened in the past that people have wished never happened but i mean u cant change the past. u can only hope for the future 2 b that much better so that it makes up for it. in answer to what this person wants to know i still dont know how to say it but i will say this...things can b old & yet very new at the same time...in other words u can b familiar wit sumthin b4 and then not have anything 2 do wit it 4 awhile & then even tho they knew it at one time so well they have changed so its all new c?

ok i'm goin 2 stop blabbin & go watch tv wit a friend since i'm not really in2 the whole football scene...ya know the super bowl so ya..l8rz

ya i'm writin this early 2day cuz well i'm not allowed on the compy after 830 2nite so ya. wow 2day wuz weird but strangely really good...i have a good feeling bout this weekend but who knows what will happen ya know?
i know i sed i'd explain bout yest. but well i dun feel like it..i dun wana put my self in a bad mood 2 please wut the whole 2 people that mite read this...its not worth it.

i was told today that i looked mad when i'm walking...do i? i mean really? i didnt think so...but guess what my response was...of coarse it was oops deal with it...hehe sounds like me rite? well it is...all me & i'm not changin 4 no1 cuz i like me..kinda...lol nah i do most of the time

uh regalia is comin closer & i still need sum shoes 2 go wit my dress but hopefully i'll find those sat. when marta & carrie take me out 2 help me since i have no talent wutsoever when it comes 2 formal stuff. it will be a lot of fun so will the dance even though theres still stuff being worked out. my bday iz comin closer 2! refer 2 my profile on aim if yur clueless 2 when it iz which u mite just b. i dun know wut do do 4 it tho...my parties alwayz suck & i have no clue wut else would b cool...i need a social planner person thing..or just not do anything...thats doable 2. idn wuts goin 2 happen but if ya just wana buy me sumthin then ook i accept lol

well now its time for me to say goodbye to you and hello to some food and mr tv...bye bye

long day..weird stuff...thought bout a lot of stuff...explain l8r

ugh 2day wuz ok but i hate bein sick like wow...& i forgive you marta for making me and everyone else sick....i still love you! anywayz..ya i've been sick & it sux but there r other things going on too. i fig out sum stuff i wuz tryin 2 go me..now sum other stuff still to figure out but that will take some time and some talking to some certain people which i'm not quite looking forward to but life goez on and i cant stop it for me cuz it def doesnt revolve round me.

ya know wut i did 2day? i wuz thinkin of wut i wrote yest. & i wrote a list of what i want to do before i die...it was quite interesting...try it sometime u mite be surprised.

oh man i cant say how much i love poetry! it it such an outlet for me. when i first started writing i thought it was just bout like all this stupid 'love' & crap dun get me into that cuz thats a whole thing in itself but ya its growing into all this other stuff and it not only makes me feel better and all that but makes me feel i'm developing into a better writer which makes me incredibly happy.

well im goin 2 b goin to clean my room...its a weird thing wit me..i get sick i feel the need 2 clean...dun ask

ya i skipped yest. but for good reason...i was exhausted from getting up at 615 on a sun...craziness i tell you craziness! but ya i went to go watch my dads company with another company blow up a building and then a lil after that headed to the mavs game which was of coarse awesome. we won which rocks my face (yes i stole it marta) & then i went up to the church for a few to see what they were doing and then left early & ya...not much after that.

2day was just kinda a school day ya know? i mean the beg. was ok ya know and then came 3rd & 4th period & i was just like grrr ya know? i hate those classes anymore cuz i mean wow ...could they get worse? wait i shouldnt be saying that cuz watch they will. whatever life happens rite? and as one of my good friends always says 'what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.'
o well though....nah today when i got home i wasnt all happy & stuff so i tried watchin a movie but that didnt help all too much even though it was Princess Bride only 1 of the greatest movies ever. Good thing though is that after it i fell asleep but then when i woke up my throat hurt so but it hurt 2 even swallow. ya it sucked & then the rents told me i needed to eat. eh i guess its good for you and all but it stinkin hurt man. oh well i got my cough drops outa my truck & am good until i run out. but i got all this stuff i needa do like get shoes & stuff 4 regalia, hw, clean up everywhere (since i dun really have a room i have many since dustin left including his and the sunroom & ya..so on & so on), & more. joy rite? heh i guess but o well.

i've been thinkin though lately...what do i really want to do in my life before i die? kinda strange to think about but i mean really now...will continue l8r...need sleep like wow

well long day lemme tell ya. it went from this morning i had kevins game & that was cool i pretty sure they won ( as i said long day..dun quite remember) and then i continued to come home and then leave like 5 min l8r 2 go shoe shoppin & stupid stores dun have any good white shoes..wuts that? i mean i need some shoes 2 go wit my dress but cant find any like anywhere but i will i still have 2 weeks. well i went to lunch wit ck and that was a lot of fun. uh what else oh then i chilled at home 4 a bit & then went 2 the final performance of the wizard of oz...good show although some points were kind of cheesy but granted lookin at where its comin from u r askin 4 cheese rite? lol yes i'm strange. but it was good all together. the costumes were great, great actors, and great music..yup cool. well then i found out i'm goin 2 the mavs game wit my johnny...awww i luv him hez my friend..lol amazing rite? lol nah him & nash & a bball game..fun stuff rite there. then i came home & i'm eatin 1a my strange meals that i enjoy but not often..maccaroni & tuna man..again wit the i'm strange thing. it explains all. well now i must be goin so i can sleep & wake up in the mornin to go to watch my dads work blow up a building & then off 2 the mavs game baby!!! score ya i'm leavin now...g'nite & g'day 2 all